Work as the currency of friendship?

Something else I've been thinking about recently is all our derby "friends", and what the difference between derby friendship and other friendships is. The differences are many, but I have stumbled on one thing about derby friendship that I find interesting (not judging it, just observing) - work is the currency of most derby friendships.

It can be the work you do founding a league, building a team, training to play, for WFTDA, for a tournament, as support staff for a league, or a trusted volunteer for a community project like derbymatic. What I have realized is that some of the people I love the most in derby I came to love so much because of what they have done for me, not the amount of time we spent getting to know each other by doing things in real life, or a history of fun adventures we've had. It's been the WORK we did together - having one thing in common to start with: a selfless volunteer work ethic, and ability to do the work that needs to be done.

There are people I worked with for years founding a league, working in WFTDA, playing on a team with, who, at the time we worked together, I'd consider among my closest friends. When you move on, though, and no longer contribute to the work, friendships are largely quickly forgotten. Of the original league founders, who over time numbered about 12 on a few different versions of Boards, 3 are still my real friends in real life. This is not something I'm crying over by the way - just noticing.

There are people I've become close friends with because of the work they did for me when I've been in chair positions. People who I might not be friends with if we were neighbors, but who I found common ground with because of working toward a common goal together, and their willingness to kindly help ease my burden. People who I'm no longer in touch with because our lives and derby lives are too all-consuming to be in regular communication with each other if we're not working on a project together. Lots of those people I still love a whole lot.

Where did the love come from, though? From work. Who is the most beloved girl on your team? Most likely the one who shows up to practice and fundraisers or team events the most. (Puts in the most work). If you've been a rep in WFTDA, which reps do you like the most? Often the ones who do the majority of the meaningful work that benefits you or your league. Who gets complained about? The girls on your team who never show up to practice, or don't do their share of committee work, or don't vote in WFTDA votes, etc.

The more interesting part is what happens when you stop working. People leave derby, or derby volunteer work positions for a variety of reasons. Not only do people stop being your friends when you no longer work for them, some of them get really angry at you! "You took your work away! We need your work!" As though you have no right to have other priorities and not spend all your time volunteering. Your past work is no longer meaningful, now what reamins is that you let people down by not working for them.

I can remember early on, when my original league picked its first travel team, and my wife and I were on it, how upset our home team got with us about how it was taking our resources away from the team, because of focus and having to go to tt practice instead of their practices. We did our best to divide our loyalties well, but there was resentment when we took our work away from the team. Likewise there's league resentment when you take your resources away from your league to provide them to WFTDA. And so on, and on and on.

I have made some friends over the last few years who remain my friends even after I stopped working for them, in derby - but they really are few. I am learning about what kind of friends you can make when you're one of the girls who just shows up to skate, and does the bare minimum of committee work...I wonder what the currency of those friendships are? Will they be like the friends you make everywhere else in life?

One thing I have learned (through my own experience leaving the league I helped birth, and my friends' experiences in league founding and WFTDA) to pass on to others is this: if you do work extra hard for derby, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and that the work in and of itself is gratifying. If you are working hard on your team or league or WFTDA or any derby volunteer project because you want appreciation from those you serve, or the love of your community in return, there's a big chance you'll wind up disappointed.

Derby moves and grows quickly, and people take for granted things that didn't exist 3 months ago almost immediately. Derby people are often too busy firefighting their league's or team's issues to take time to properly thank the volunteers who make what they do possible. Not only don't they always have time to thank you for what you do, they'll also forget that you laid all the groundwork 3 years ago for the things they take for granted. Look how demanding people are now about the timeliness of WFTDA's rules modifications or rankings :) (with never a thanks to the pioneers that made both possible just a few short years ago...)

I have no regrets about leaving all my volunteer derby jobs this year to pursue other things, and I am proud of the work that I did in those positions. No one can take that away from me - I did it because I enjoyed it, and out of love for derby and the women who create it. I left everyone in every position I left, who took over my jobs, a better tool kit than I had when I walked into the position - in the case of WFTDA PR/Marketing, I invented a whole department in a space that, when I orginally walked into it, had no map, no tools, and almost no direction from leadership. I am finding it way funny that there are people I left behind who are mad. Who will probably not be my friends again because I took my work away. I left them a few years' legacy of good, hard work, but that's not what they'll remember. No regrets about that, either, oddly enough. Just a giggle. Maybe because they no longer work for me, either?