I'm getting pretty good at this whole quitting thing...I quit my team and my league as a skater a few weeks before we had our amazing debut at the new venue. After some long derby therapy with visiting friends, I gave tons of thought to why I was still hanging in there, and decided it was for all the wrong reasons. So I quit. It was sad, scary, and hard, but the immense and overwhelming relief that followed was amazing! It was a good decision, one I'm living to enjoy.
I had no idea how much I was anxious over getting injured again, now that my new career is getting closer. I worried about it all day, every day, without even being terribly conscious of it. It felt like I lost 100 pounds to unburden myself of the fear of getting hurt - it felt so imminent. (I've suffered 2 knee injuries that I refused to have surgery for...each knee is damaged). I was also toughing my way through a rotator cuff tear that I didn't want to acknowledge - not very healthy stuff. Worse was the emotional game I set up for myself about not showing up enough. Feeling guilty for all the times I just couldn't be at practice or a fundraiser or promotions. Feeling like I was constantly letting people down.
The big girl pants part is realizing that most of my fear stemmed from knowing I was not training hard enough to compete with some of the fierce, amazing, world class skaters on this league in the home season. It felt like a recipe for disaster, in my older, out of shape body. When I do things, I like to excel at them, and I created lots of bad feelings around not being able to make enough time to train well, and really enjoy playing.
My league, my team, and our captain require very little of me - it's not like there's an attendance policy here :) It's just that I know my body and my self well enough to know that half - assing things isn't good for me. I lost the spark and the drive. For skating derby, anyway. I just couldn't find the motivation to keep plugging away at it until it didn't suck anymore.
So, what next? Well, my love of the sport is still as strong as ever, so I contribute to DNN when I can, and we're the hospitality crew for visiting teams this season, chez Less - Reynolds. We had a really great time helping the league host San Diego last month, and we get to do it again for Rat City this weekend. It's good times - being able to still enjoy derby without the stress! I've also given some thought to writing a book, instead of trying to push, prod and coddle several other derby notables into doing it. We'll see what happens. I'm not someone who's going to ref or start a rec league, or coach Junior Derby - I thought about those things, and my heart just really isn't in it.
For now I've been really content to do better at the rest of my life - I came out of this last semester with a totally resurrected GPA, and some exciting new interests that look like they're turning into new work I can feel really excited about. We're having lots of good family time, and I'm still very much connected to many derby friends. I also got to try my hand at bench coaching my home team at the season opener - it was fun and new! It was just a try, and I don't know if I'll be any good at it, but it was a good time, because I love those girls so much. They won a great game, and everyone did an amazing job on the track!
The leaving was very anticlimactic, and felt right. New adventures to come, always! Derby love is forever, no matter how burned out you are, I'm convinced.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Work as the currency of friendship?
Something else I've been thinking about recently is all our derby "friends", and what the difference between derby friendship and other friendships is. The differences are many, but I have stumbled on one thing about derby friendship that I find interesting (not judging it, just observing) - work is the currency of most derby friendships.
It can be the work you do founding a league, building a team, training to play, for WFTDA, for a tournament, as support staff for a league, or a trusted volunteer for a community project like derbymatic. What I have realized is that some of the people I love the most in derby I came to love so much because of what they have done for me, not the amount of time we spent getting to know each other by doing things in real life, or a history of fun adventures we've had. It's been the WORK we did together - having one thing in common to start with: a selfless volunteer work ethic, and ability to do the work that needs to be done.
There are people I worked with for years founding a league, working in WFTDA, playing on a team with, who, at the time we worked together, I'd consider among my closest friends. When you move on, though, and no longer contribute to the work, friendships are largely quickly forgotten. Of the original league founders, who over time numbered about 12 on a few different versions of Boards, 3 are still my real friends in real life. This is not something I'm crying over by the way - just noticing.
There are people I've become close friends with because of the work they did for me when I've been in chair positions. People who I might not be friends with if we were neighbors, but who I found common ground with because of working toward a common goal together, and their willingness to kindly help ease my burden. People who I'm no longer in touch with because our lives and derby lives are too all-consuming to be in regular communication with each other if we're not working on a project together. Lots of those people I still love a whole lot.
Where did the love come from, though? From work. Who is the most beloved girl on your team? Most likely the one who shows up to practice and fundraisers or team events the most. (Puts in the most work). If you've been a rep in WFTDA, which reps do you like the most? Often the ones who do the majority of the meaningful work that benefits you or your league. Who gets complained about? The girls on your team who never show up to practice, or don't do their share of committee work, or don't vote in WFTDA votes, etc.
The more interesting part is what happens when you stop working. People leave derby, or derby volunteer work positions for a variety of reasons. Not only do people stop being your friends when you no longer work for them, some of them get really angry at you! "You took your work away! We need your work!" As though you have no right to have other priorities and not spend all your time volunteering. Your past work is no longer meaningful, now what reamins is that you let people down by not working for them.
I can remember early on, when my original league picked its first travel team, and my wife and I were on it, how upset our home team got with us about how it was taking our resources away from the team, because of focus and having to go to tt practice instead of their practices. We did our best to divide our loyalties well, but there was resentment when we took our work away from the team. Likewise there's league resentment when you take your resources away from your league to provide them to WFTDA. And so on, and on and on.
I have made some friends over the last few years who remain my friends even after I stopped working for them, in derby - but they really are few. I am learning about what kind of friends you can make when you're one of the girls who just shows up to skate, and does the bare minimum of committee work...I wonder what the currency of those friendships are? Will they be like the friends you make everywhere else in life?
One thing I have learned (through my own experience leaving the league I helped birth, and my friends' experiences in league founding and WFTDA) to pass on to others is this: if you do work extra hard for derby, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and that the work in and of itself is gratifying. If you are working hard on your team or league or WFTDA or any derby volunteer project because you want appreciation from those you serve, or the love of your community in return, there's a big chance you'll wind up disappointed.
Derby moves and grows quickly, and people take for granted things that didn't exist 3 months ago almost immediately. Derby people are often too busy firefighting their league's or team's issues to take time to properly thank the volunteers who make what they do possible. Not only don't they always have time to thank you for what you do, they'll also forget that you laid all the groundwork 3 years ago for the things they take for granted. Look how demanding people are now about the timeliness of WFTDA's rules modifications or rankings :) (with never a thanks to the pioneers that made both possible just a few short years ago...)
I have no regrets about leaving all my volunteer derby jobs this year to pursue other things, and I am proud of the work that I did in those positions. No one can take that away from me - I did it because I enjoyed it, and out of love for derby and the women who create it. I left everyone in every position I left, who took over my jobs, a better tool kit than I had when I walked into the position - in the case of WFTDA PR/Marketing, I invented a whole department in a space that, when I orginally walked into it, had no map, no tools, and almost no direction from leadership. I am finding it way funny that there are people I left behind who are mad. Who will probably not be my friends again because I took my work away. I left them a few years' legacy of good, hard work, but that's not what they'll remember. No regrets about that, either, oddly enough. Just a giggle. Maybe because they no longer work for me, either?
It can be the work you do founding a league, building a team, training to play, for WFTDA, for a tournament, as support staff for a league, or a trusted volunteer for a community project like derbymatic. What I have realized is that some of the people I love the most in derby I came to love so much because of what they have done for me, not the amount of time we spent getting to know each other by doing things in real life, or a history of fun adventures we've had. It's been the WORK we did together - having one thing in common to start with: a selfless volunteer work ethic, and ability to do the work that needs to be done.
There are people I worked with for years founding a league, working in WFTDA, playing on a team with, who, at the time we worked together, I'd consider among my closest friends. When you move on, though, and no longer contribute to the work, friendships are largely quickly forgotten. Of the original league founders, who over time numbered about 12 on a few different versions of Boards, 3 are still my real friends in real life. This is not something I'm crying over by the way - just noticing.
There are people I've become close friends with because of the work they did for me when I've been in chair positions. People who I might not be friends with if we were neighbors, but who I found common ground with because of working toward a common goal together, and their willingness to kindly help ease my burden. People who I'm no longer in touch with because our lives and derby lives are too all-consuming to be in regular communication with each other if we're not working on a project together. Lots of those people I still love a whole lot.
Where did the love come from, though? From work. Who is the most beloved girl on your team? Most likely the one who shows up to practice and fundraisers or team events the most. (Puts in the most work). If you've been a rep in WFTDA, which reps do you like the most? Often the ones who do the majority of the meaningful work that benefits you or your league. Who gets complained about? The girls on your team who never show up to practice, or don't do their share of committee work, or don't vote in WFTDA votes, etc.
The more interesting part is what happens when you stop working. People leave derby, or derby volunteer work positions for a variety of reasons. Not only do people stop being your friends when you no longer work for them, some of them get really angry at you! "You took your work away! We need your work!" As though you have no right to have other priorities and not spend all your time volunteering. Your past work is no longer meaningful, now what reamins is that you let people down by not working for them.
I can remember early on, when my original league picked its first travel team, and my wife and I were on it, how upset our home team got with us about how it was taking our resources away from the team, because of focus and having to go to tt practice instead of their practices. We did our best to divide our loyalties well, but there was resentment when we took our work away from the team. Likewise there's league resentment when you take your resources away from your league to provide them to WFTDA. And so on, and on and on.
I have made some friends over the last few years who remain my friends even after I stopped working for them, in derby - but they really are few. I am learning about what kind of friends you can make when you're one of the girls who just shows up to skate, and does the bare minimum of committee work...I wonder what the currency of those friendships are? Will they be like the friends you make everywhere else in life?
One thing I have learned (through my own experience leaving the league I helped birth, and my friends' experiences in league founding and WFTDA) to pass on to others is this: if you do work extra hard for derby, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and that the work in and of itself is gratifying. If you are working hard on your team or league or WFTDA or any derby volunteer project because you want appreciation from those you serve, or the love of your community in return, there's a big chance you'll wind up disappointed.
Derby moves and grows quickly, and people take for granted things that didn't exist 3 months ago almost immediately. Derby people are often too busy firefighting their league's or team's issues to take time to properly thank the volunteers who make what they do possible. Not only don't they always have time to thank you for what you do, they'll also forget that you laid all the groundwork 3 years ago for the things they take for granted. Look how demanding people are now about the timeliness of WFTDA's rules modifications or rankings :) (with never a thanks to the pioneers that made both possible just a few short years ago...)
I have no regrets about leaving all my volunteer derby jobs this year to pursue other things, and I am proud of the work that I did in those positions. No one can take that away from me - I did it because I enjoyed it, and out of love for derby and the women who create it. I left everyone in every position I left, who took over my jobs, a better tool kit than I had when I walked into the position - in the case of WFTDA PR/Marketing, I invented a whole department in a space that, when I orginally walked into it, had no map, no tools, and almost no direction from leadership. I am finding it way funny that there are people I left behind who are mad. Who will probably not be my friends again because I took my work away. I left them a few years' legacy of good, hard work, but that's not what they'll remember. No regrets about that, either, oddly enough. Just a giggle. Maybe because they no longer work for me, either?
Roller Derby Is Feelings!
I am getting a much better handle on how I landed here, and where I am with it. I've been to a few scrimmages and practices that were actually fun, and I've started getting my legs back under me. I've witnessed and participated in some league politics that I really don't enjoy. I've watched some people nationwide flame out online, and heard some gossip about peoples' feelings on my inevitable burnout that caused me to leave WFTDA BoD, leadership on my home league, and then leave WFTDA as a rep entirely. Boy, do people in roller derby have some FEELINGS!
I worked hard for roller derby because of feelings - good feelings of reward for hard work done, being valued for what I could contribute, cameraderie and team spirit (whether on the track or admin), deep love for all the women of this great sport and the amazing thing we were creating together, and the escape it all provided from a bad marriage and a difficult homelife. My children and derby were the things in my life that made me happy - everything else was suck.
Different things happened along the way to break my heart, on the track and in admin, especially as I took on more responsibility in WFTDA. You just don't know how much I wanted to honor all the amazing hard work so many women do all over the world to make this sport happen by giving everything I had to make things better in WFTDA, and rewarding for everyone through WFTDA. Laugh at me for being such and idealist - go ahead! But it's the truth. I wouldn't trade these experiences and what I've learned from them for anything, but I'm exhausted, for sure.
At the end of the burnout, something interesting became clear. In my personal life, I had made some drastic changes that derby was the catalyst for on many levels (we all know the 'derby saved my life' stories of many girls, I've got mine, too...). I found my own happy (beginning) ending, and much of the derby stress became incongruous with the happy I was enjoying in every other part of my life. My prioritizing derby over most things led to a serious downfall in my school work, as well. The economy made a change in my job that carved my time for derby in half. Suddenly I had bad grades (when I used to have stellar ones), a job with longer hours where I couldn't do derby work at work anymore, and got to feel badly about not being able to do my derby work for WFTDA or my league as well as I could have once upon a time, to boot.
Soon, derby became a source of regular anger. I would check in on message boards and be angry every time I read them. It's like I was holding on to some pattern or vestige of my old home life. Like I had become comfortable with having a regular source of rage in my life, something to be fired up about. I actually started to use this - sick and funny - when I was sick and couldn't drink coffee to wake up in the morning, I would just read the WFTDA boards for 5 minutes, and it would make me upset enough that I'd be wide, wide awake! Way to start the day, huh? Oh, feelings...
Having quit just about everything in an effort to be really present at work, get my grades back to a 4.0 (which I have, this semester - YAY!), and actually skate on my home league, hindsight is definitely 20/20. I know there are people that come into derby as happy, fulfilled people already. But I feel really sure that for a majority of us, derby is filling a hole somewhere in our lives. For some people it's just getting away from the grind of a hard job or a Masters program, for others it's as dramatic as escaping spousal abuse or getting good exercise and support while going through cancer treatment.
Lots of people leave after getting married, having a baby, graduating college, or, unfortunately, having their hearts broken by their team, league or WFTDA. I hate when that happens. I have personally witnessed some amazing personal transformations of vets of my original league as they kept going on the league even after huge personal heartbreak at the hands of team or league unfairness, and have come out the other side successful both on the track and in life in general. And I have friends who let someone on their team, or coaching staff, or in one case an entire league, bully them out of being in derby anymore. Kudos to the people who hang in there and don't let other people steal their fun, and also love to people who just can't take the pain anymore and leave before they hit their prime. Respect to people who prioritize their lives over derby, too - to each his own, and not everyone can hold derby above all else.
So, we have success despite all the feelings, and quitting because of all the feelings, and some people who seemingly have no feelings, too! On this scale, I am in burnout from having too many feelings for so long. I am finally in that place of being able to sit back and watch everyone else have their "caring too much" moments, and think about my own. There were many. I have only tired of ever having them again very recently. I am very interested to find out if I can come to derby from a light and happy place, and just enjoy what's great about it. We'll see, but this will be the last season I try - school will take precedent over everything after our season ends, as I begin a more intense program of study. I just don't know if derby will mean the same thing in my life now that it's not my escape.
I find even thinking about our exciting new season draining sometimes. I care more about studying than practicing on many nights. I'm still trying, but mostly for other people more than for myself. I need to keep thinking about that. I am way less inspired, and the cost/benefit ratio is starting to feel weird to me - like since I don't care about being on a travel team, being a rockstar, etc., suddenly the idea of maybe permanently injuring myself is scarier. Here's where I keep landing, though, for now: it's less scary than what I would be doing of not skating - boxing. In boxing you can lose your eyesight or sustain brain damage. Skating derby is safer, right? :)
More than anything, though, I am finally getting to a place of divesting myself of all the FEELINGS. I am letting go of the anger habit, and learning to put derby in a proper place in my emotional landscape. It's new for me - and I'm absolutely not alone. Better women than I have left just to stop feeling so angry all the time...
I worked hard for roller derby because of feelings - good feelings of reward for hard work done, being valued for what I could contribute, cameraderie and team spirit (whether on the track or admin), deep love for all the women of this great sport and the amazing thing we were creating together, and the escape it all provided from a bad marriage and a difficult homelife. My children and derby were the things in my life that made me happy - everything else was suck.
Different things happened along the way to break my heart, on the track and in admin, especially as I took on more responsibility in WFTDA. You just don't know how much I wanted to honor all the amazing hard work so many women do all over the world to make this sport happen by giving everything I had to make things better in WFTDA, and rewarding for everyone through WFTDA. Laugh at me for being such and idealist - go ahead! But it's the truth. I wouldn't trade these experiences and what I've learned from them for anything, but I'm exhausted, for sure.
At the end of the burnout, something interesting became clear. In my personal life, I had made some drastic changes that derby was the catalyst for on many levels (we all know the 'derby saved my life' stories of many girls, I've got mine, too...). I found my own happy (beginning) ending, and much of the derby stress became incongruous with the happy I was enjoying in every other part of my life. My prioritizing derby over most things led to a serious downfall in my school work, as well. The economy made a change in my job that carved my time for derby in half. Suddenly I had bad grades (when I used to have stellar ones), a job with longer hours where I couldn't do derby work at work anymore, and got to feel badly about not being able to do my derby work for WFTDA or my league as well as I could have once upon a time, to boot.
Soon, derby became a source of regular anger. I would check in on message boards and be angry every time I read them. It's like I was holding on to some pattern or vestige of my old home life. Like I had become comfortable with having a regular source of rage in my life, something to be fired up about. I actually started to use this - sick and funny - when I was sick and couldn't drink coffee to wake up in the morning, I would just read the WFTDA boards for 5 minutes, and it would make me upset enough that I'd be wide, wide awake! Way to start the day, huh? Oh, feelings...
Having quit just about everything in an effort to be really present at work, get my grades back to a 4.0 (which I have, this semester - YAY!), and actually skate on my home league, hindsight is definitely 20/20. I know there are people that come into derby as happy, fulfilled people already. But I feel really sure that for a majority of us, derby is filling a hole somewhere in our lives. For some people it's just getting away from the grind of a hard job or a Masters program, for others it's as dramatic as escaping spousal abuse or getting good exercise and support while going through cancer treatment.
Lots of people leave after getting married, having a baby, graduating college, or, unfortunately, having their hearts broken by their team, league or WFTDA. I hate when that happens. I have personally witnessed some amazing personal transformations of vets of my original league as they kept going on the league even after huge personal heartbreak at the hands of team or league unfairness, and have come out the other side successful both on the track and in life in general. And I have friends who let someone on their team, or coaching staff, or in one case an entire league, bully them out of being in derby anymore. Kudos to the people who hang in there and don't let other people steal their fun, and also love to people who just can't take the pain anymore and leave before they hit their prime. Respect to people who prioritize their lives over derby, too - to each his own, and not everyone can hold derby above all else.
So, we have success despite all the feelings, and quitting because of all the feelings, and some people who seemingly have no feelings, too! On this scale, I am in burnout from having too many feelings for so long. I am finally in that place of being able to sit back and watch everyone else have their "caring too much" moments, and think about my own. There were many. I have only tired of ever having them again very recently. I am very interested to find out if I can come to derby from a light and happy place, and just enjoy what's great about it. We'll see, but this will be the last season I try - school will take precedent over everything after our season ends, as I begin a more intense program of study. I just don't know if derby will mean the same thing in my life now that it's not my escape.
I find even thinking about our exciting new season draining sometimes. I care more about studying than practicing on many nights. I'm still trying, but mostly for other people more than for myself. I need to keep thinking about that. I am way less inspired, and the cost/benefit ratio is starting to feel weird to me - like since I don't care about being on a travel team, being a rockstar, etc., suddenly the idea of maybe permanently injuring myself is scarier. Here's where I keep landing, though, for now: it's less scary than what I would be doing of not skating - boxing. In boxing you can lose your eyesight or sustain brain damage. Skating derby is safer, right? :)
More than anything, though, I am finally getting to a place of divesting myself of all the FEELINGS. I am letting go of the anger habit, and learning to put derby in a proper place in my emotional landscape. It's new for me - and I'm absolutely not alone. Better women than I have left just to stop feeling so angry all the time...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Motivation - nope. Going through the motions.
I went to Saturday newbie practice again, with the husband and little one in tow - just to get the family out of the house and moving - there's a playground next to where we skate. I did a bit of drills, some laps, helped a little, and then we had appointments to get to. It was nice to see people, and get moving some more. Our new girls are looking amazing, I can't wait to see them play!
At night I went to the hockey game at our new venue to help promote our season, and it turned out to be a really good time. I took my older daughter, because she wanted to help, and her best friend goes to all the hockey games, so they met up for a sleepover there. Hockey fans are such a natural fanbase for derby! I had done promotion with the league at the venue for a cage fighting/ MMA event a few months prior, and response was not so warm. At hockey, everyone was excited to take a schedule, ask us questions, watch our footage, and lots of people said they would come, and asked for season ticket info! It was really, really exciting, and fun to talk to people about our league.
This was good remedy for what ails me, as far as trying to find some excitement in what we're doing. Seeing the fans so pumped to come see us was amazing. Especially they way the super - rabid hockey superfans kept talking to us about our sport in the context of sports - almost no one was asking if it was fake or talking about its older incarnation on tv. They were talking about it as the new sport they wanted to learn about and be a fan of. That's progress. Or maybe, that's our real market? Hockey fans - I love them!
My captain and another skater I love pretty much talked me into going to Munecas practice on Sunday morning, but in the end I didn't go because I had a big test to study for, and I had promised my older daughter and her friend a movie in the afternoon for making Honor Roll. I saw the Uninvited and helped them shop for Valentines Dance dresses instead :) Priorities.
At night I went to the hockey game at our new venue to help promote our season, and it turned out to be a really good time. I took my older daughter, because she wanted to help, and her best friend goes to all the hockey games, so they met up for a sleepover there. Hockey fans are such a natural fanbase for derby! I had done promotion with the league at the venue for a cage fighting/ MMA event a few months prior, and response was not so warm. At hockey, everyone was excited to take a schedule, ask us questions, watch our footage, and lots of people said they would come, and asked for season ticket info! It was really, really exciting, and fun to talk to people about our league.
This was good remedy for what ails me, as far as trying to find some excitement in what we're doing. Seeing the fans so pumped to come see us was amazing. Especially they way the super - rabid hockey superfans kept talking to us about our sport in the context of sports - almost no one was asking if it was fake or talking about its older incarnation on tv. They were talking about it as the new sport they wanted to learn about and be a fan of. That's progress. Or maybe, that's our real market? Hockey fans - I love them!
My captain and another skater I love pretty much talked me into going to Munecas practice on Sunday morning, but in the end I didn't go because I had a big test to study for, and I had promised my older daughter and her friend a movie in the afternoon for making Honor Roll. I saw the Uninvited and helped them shop for Valentines Dance dresses instead :) Priorities.
February 5th - First Thursday Team Night
So I went to my team's practice in Santa Fe again. This time for some exercise, but also because we're doing a team dinner on First Thursdays. ( I capitalize because this was always a free admission to galleries artwalk Baltimore event) I had fun working with new kids again, and broke a sweat drilling some. The best part for me was the family feeling that's happening - and I don't mean among teammates. There were 2 friends of skaters watching, a happy grandma with a new skater's baby watching, and at one point, someone's husband and kids popped in to watch and cheer for bit.
My first league was full of moms, and our kids and partners were around all the time - it was a very family friendly environment. Here, when I first arrived, I was one of 3 moms, and the kids are rarely at practices or league events. It feels more like home to have peoples' families around. It's part of what I found really empowering in the beginning - that we could do this thing as mothers, and didn't have to keep our family lives separate from it. We could be all the things that we are (athlete, mother, friend, teammate, worker, etc.) in the space we created, instead of compartmentalizing. I loved the idea that all of our kids were growing up exposed to this environment we'd created - all the diverse women, the hard work and competition, making things happen together. It especially made me happy to think about what the little boys would be like when they grew up, having been raised in derby practices, fundraisers, and bouts, babysat by rollergirls, etc.
After practice we had dinner together, and it was a really good time. As usual, derby attracts amazing people, and I was delighted to learn more about the newer folks, who are all fascinating. There are also even more moms than I thought, which is also nice. People brought partners, too, and their other halves were equally as interesting and fun. I am excited to get to know all of these people better. All told, I am feeling better, but still not excited by actually playing derby. At least I'm feeling more like I've found a home, though. It's a start.
My first league was full of moms, and our kids and partners were around all the time - it was a very family friendly environment. Here, when I first arrived, I was one of 3 moms, and the kids are rarely at practices or league events. It feels more like home to have peoples' families around. It's part of what I found really empowering in the beginning - that we could do this thing as mothers, and didn't have to keep our family lives separate from it. We could be all the things that we are (athlete, mother, friend, teammate, worker, etc.) in the space we created, instead of compartmentalizing. I loved the idea that all of our kids were growing up exposed to this environment we'd created - all the diverse women, the hard work and competition, making things happen together. It especially made me happy to think about what the little boys would be like when they grew up, having been raised in derby practices, fundraisers, and bouts, babysat by rollergirls, etc.
After practice we had dinner together, and it was a really good time. As usual, derby attracts amazing people, and I was delighted to learn more about the newer folks, who are all fascinating. There are also even more moms than I thought, which is also nice. People brought partners, too, and their other halves were equally as interesting and fun. I am excited to get to know all of these people better. All told, I am feeling better, but still not excited by actually playing derby. At least I'm feeling more like I've found a home, though. It's a start.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I practiced a little.
I went to travel team practice yesterday morning. I did drills, and watched scrimmage. There is no way in hell, after not skating for months, that I'm scrimmaging a team that's going to a tourney in less than 3 weeks. Maude forbid my form is sloppy and I break one of them - we have a shortage of strong players here, and I won't be responsible for shortening that roster... Drills were fine, my knees were killing me all day after, just achy from all the impacty agility training. Nothin exciting, just nice to watch the tt do their thing.
Sad to hear the newer skater sitting out with me talk some party line brainwashing of one particular super competitive skater about how "you can tell who really wants it by who shows up." I said "and you can tell who has other priorities by who doesn't - that's what home teams are for. not everyone needs to be a Rock Star." More on this subject later, but I' m about over the positioning of some people to oppose and shame anyone on a league who isn't willing to give up their entire life to play derby 24-7. Everyone has value in a league - EVERYONE, each at her own ability and availability. Even the girls who don't "want it".
Sad to hear the newer skater sitting out with me talk some party line brainwashing of one particular super competitive skater about how "you can tell who really wants it by who shows up." I said "and you can tell who has other priorities by who doesn't - that's what home teams are for. not everyone needs to be a Rock Star." More on this subject later, but I' m about over the positioning of some people to oppose and shame anyone on a league who isn't willing to give up their entire life to play derby 24-7. Everyone has value in a league - EVERYONE, each at her own ability and availability. Even the girls who don't "want it".
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I am not shitting you.
I went to practice. Again. No, seriously! I did.
It was newbie practice again, this time in Albuquerque, with the whole league. I was a little scared, not knowing what to expect. In support of my effort to get back on the horse, my husband came to practice and PUT ON SKATES - since there's no shame in being a newbie amongst newbies. My husband? Maybe you know him? If you do, you'll be proud to know he not only had wheels on his feet, but he skated around the entire basketball courts all by himself. This made my day, seriously - well played, Hurty, well played.
I helped new kids, did drills, enjoyed seeing friends, and soaked up the new and improved energy of hope and excitement. I got a little inspired watching the new talent do their skills assessment. I was floored by the fact that this new skater practice had more skaters in attendance than any veteran practice I'd been to has in over a year. I decided to go to the morning travel team practice tomorrow to do drills.
My muscles are screaming, in a good way. Baby steps.
It was newbie practice again, this time in Albuquerque, with the whole league. I was a little scared, not knowing what to expect. In support of my effort to get back on the horse, my husband came to practice and PUT ON SKATES - since there's no shame in being a newbie amongst newbies. My husband? Maybe you know him? If you do, you'll be proud to know he not only had wheels on his feet, but he skated around the entire basketball courts all by himself. This made my day, seriously - well played, Hurty, well played.
I helped new kids, did drills, enjoyed seeing friends, and soaked up the new and improved energy of hope and excitement. I got a little inspired watching the new talent do their skills assessment. I was floored by the fact that this new skater practice had more skaters in attendance than any veteran practice I'd been to has in over a year. I decided to go to the morning travel team practice tomorrow to do drills.
My muscles are screaming, in a good way. Baby steps.
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