Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I went to practice. For the first time in months. Earlier in the week when visiting with our league's awesome founders I was asked if I was playing this season, and I said yes. It was the first time I'd said it to anyone but my team captain. They promised me it was getting exciting again, fun again, because of all the newbies. Suddenly, our tiny league has doubled in size with a huge influx of new kids! I had promised my captain that I really would show up for practice one day. I thought about going to Wednesday practice, but knew that by the time I could get there it would be scrimmage time, and my first night back just wasn't going to be scrimmaging with travel team players who are weeks away from a tournament...I decided to try to be smart and go to a few newbie practices first.

So I made the drive to Santa Fe to a tiny Alien/ Area 51 themed rink for my team's newbie practice. (The venue, while small, is beyond amazing - warm, well - lit, indoor venue in winter is a coveted luxury here). When I say 'my team', don't think I'm talking about my girls who I came up back in the day with that I'm bonded to. (I've only been here a little over a year...) This is 'my team' that I was drafted to after going into free agency (because I've felt sure for awhile this is my last season and I had a personality conflicts with a member of the first team I was drafted to...I needed to be able to enjoy playing this year) because I felt they were the girls whose management/strategy/ playing style I was most compatible with, and the captain said she'd have me. 'My team' - half of whom have never met me, and the other half of which probably think I quit already. My team who I adore already, even though we've only ever played one game together.

So I finally showed up. I skated drills. I helped coach a newbie who I loved instantly. I began to smile more. I realized I know a few things that are helpful to someone new. I realized I hadn't forgotten how to skate. I realized being just shy of 3 weeks of not smoking meant I'd be coughing up some unsavory lung butter for a few practices. I already knew I had a lot of lost muscle to make up for, but I got a really accurate feel for how bad it really is.

The excitement of new kids is contagious. The warmth and excitement my captain and teammates bring to the room are invaluable. I felt welcome and useful. I started to feel a small glimmer of anticipation for practicing with a team again. I still felt a huge sense of dread about scrimmaging for real, or going to a full league practice. But I got out of the house and reminded my team that I exist, and promised to come back again. It's already getting better.

As I drove home I also realized how wonderful it is at the beginning, or when you're starting over with tons of new people on a team, when people don't yet know each other really well, there's no drama or big personality clash (yet) and everyone is working hard together toward a common goal, with humility and humor, because no one is a star yet. The atmosphere was refreshingly clear of tension, charged emotion, power struggle, resentment or rivalry. That was a huge relief. Hooray for the new energy new people bring!